Einstein Strikes Out

You would think someone this concerned about his attendance record would make the effort to show up on time. But no.

Can You Spell G.E.D.?

It's frightening how many students slip through the cracks of the public education system. I realize not everyone is scholar material but, come on, at least try not to miss the obvious.

Retention Span

I've successfully managed to suppress the desire to do this on more than one occasion. It comes from watching a student abandon any instructions that are more than five minutes old.

Vandalism

I'm responsible for creating a green genie that was featured prominently--for over two years!--in a certain school's ad campaign. At first I received compliments, then notoriety, then infamy, and finally wisecracks about the genie's "longevity" and the need for a new face in the ads.

I loved all of it, even when a student of mine drew a picture of me rubbing my ass and the genie coming out. You just can't buy publicity like that; so a special thanks goes to Gian DiMarco for the concept that led to this cartoon.

The Efficiency Expert

This is usually my response when students ask thinly-veiled questions about reducing the effort required on their part.

Spicoli Lives!

It's been said that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. I have to wonder how he manages to accomplish anything with a "workshop" like this.

'Tard

This picture has nothing to say and consequently speaks for itself.

Tumbleweeds

Mmm-boy, there's nothing like diving into a project without a concept! I've discovered that when students say "I can't think of what to make" they really mean "I can't think of something cool to make." Well, you can't hit a home run every time but you'll never hit one if you don't swing the bat.

Deficiency

Spare the rod and spoil the child, I say. Sure, one could argue that there can be too much of a good thing, but all the evidence I've seen indicates that there isn't enough of it these days.

Impervious to Learning

I wouldn't describe myself as an avid reader--I have probably a dozen books under my belt at most--but I commend anyone who tries to broaden his vocabulary. Don't be scared, just start with the small words and work your way up.

I Grade Small

Students who lack confidence usually react by drawing small. Very small. Unfortunately, drawing small makes the work--and the task of developing skill--more difficult.

Like any good music teacher will tell you: "If you're going to make a mistake, you may as well make a loud one." If you don't give yourself the freedom to make mistakes, you'll die long before you improve.

A Whole Lab

It doesn't take long before an art teacher can tell the difference between crap that took four hours to create and crap that only took twenty minutes. People often use "can't do" to disguise the truth: "won't try."

The Award Winner

You probably shouldn't brag about your "accolades" if they're all hanging on the fridge at your parents' house.

Cold Day

If you know ahead of time that the room will be cold on occasion, wouldn't it make sense to wear more than just shorts and a tank top to class?

What's the Least I Can Do?

Nobody actually ever comes right out and asks this question but it's not hard to read between the lines of the questions they do ask. Well, if you give a minimum of effort you get a minimum of education.

The Mind Is Mightier Than The Medium

It's funny how the only people who ask "Why do I need traditional art skills?" are the people who don't have any. Could it be that those who have them already know just how critical those skills are?

Hmm. Could be.

Jedi Magic

The funny thing is that this really worked! After I finished saying it the student laughed at the joke for a moment, paused, and then informed me he forgot what he was going to say.

May the force be with you.

You're Late

No one gets creative with their excuses anymore; it's like they don't even try. Hey, if you're not going to take your excuses seriously, why should I?

"Beat It" Now On Sale

Torture, slavery, brainwashing, and all manner of human rights violations pale in comparison to a student who's just been told to put his laptop away.

No Talking

The only problem with this little invention is that the kid behind the loudmouth gets hit with fallout. But then a little collateral damage is always expected when achieving an objective.

This Doesn't Bode Well
For You

As time goes by an instructor will gradually simplify and streamline the grading process to prevent students from becoming confused regarding what's expected of them. But there will always be those proud few who, in spite of such charity, will doggedly pursue negligence.

Pay No Attention To That Man Behind The Curtain

"Hi, I don't have any identity of my own so I borrow one from MTV.

...Dawg."

Tools

Today's youth are tomorrow's leaders. God help us all.

Angry Anime

Anime has been around for nearly forty years but in the last decade its fan base has gotten out of control. I get students coming in thinking that it is the end-all be-all of animation when, in fact, the majority of it is low-quality dreck. Some of the artwork is cool to look at but the movement, the animation itself, is only a half-step up from watching a slide show. While it's okay to enjoy it, a student of animation should reach a little higher.

I Feel Funny All Over

Regardless of the boy/girl ratio, the fairer sex is a potent distraction for most guys. And bringing in a nude model for figure drawing only seems to make things worse.

Coffee: Nectar of the Gods

I think 48+ ounces a day would probably do this to anyone.

Voodoo Chile

Some people argue that substance abuse makes one more vulnerable to the power of suggestion. I disagree.